Gynecologist's Assistant
Yoga Style
Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual activities. The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.
The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night, when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her two legs behind her head.
The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic but she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head.
However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck that way with her butt sticking straight up in the air.
It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an asshole!"
The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night, when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her two legs behind her head.
The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic but she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head.
However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck that way with her butt sticking straight up in the air.
It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an asshole!"
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Old Married Couple
There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearlyforty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by thehusband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
The noise would always awake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping onein the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him tosee a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn'thear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function andthen he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes awaywith her hands.
She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husbandcontinued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until oneThanksgiving morning..
Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey.
While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into abowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husbandwould awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back thecovers and then gently pulled aback her husband's jockey shorts. Shethen placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulledthem up, replaced the covers and tip-toed back downstairs to finishpreparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normalloud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling screamand the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairsbathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up asshe rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with himshe had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in hisblood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit herlip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts outone of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace ofGod and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."
The noise would always awake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping onein the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him tosee a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn'thear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function andthen he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes awaywith her hands.
She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husbandcontinued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until oneThanksgiving morning..
Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey.
While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into abowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husbandwould awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back thecovers and then gently pulled aback her husband's jockey shorts. Shethen placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulledthem up, replaced the covers and tip-toed back downstairs to finishpreparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normalloud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling screamand the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairsbathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up asshe rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with himshe had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in hisblood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit herlip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts outone of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace ofGod and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."
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